As befits the uterus of Silicon Valley, Stanford University Libraries sends an automated email to the holder of each item overdue by 72 hours. Inside that email is a link to quickly renew the overdue book. My usual instant reaction is to just take the easy route and renew, but I was "doing" email somewhere without internet access when I came across that message, and when I next got back online the whole shebag had dropped off of my radar.

At seven days you receive a terrifying email notifying you of a $100 replacement charge. Fair enough, I guess—they do try really hard to give you proper warning, an instant means to resolve the problem. Plus it's not as if the library is ever out of the way when you're on campus.

Two hours ago I humbly brought my 8-days-overdue library book to the circulation desk. They cancelled the replacement charge, leaving me with a $10.50 fine. Breathing a sigh of relief, I pulled out my wallet.

"Would you like to pay that now?"

"Yep, I've got a twe..."

"We won't require you to pay that now," half-muttered the library manager in a flat voice.

"Okay, but don't I want my records cleared for graduation?"

"The library fine system isn't linked to the registrar's records." Again, neither tone nor lilt in the statement.

"Oh, right, it's only if the fine exceeds fif..."

"Fifty dollars. Then we explicitly ask the registrar to place holds on your record."

"Oh." (Beat.) "Well, thank you so much for letting me know." (Beat.) "Might I ask," I delicately danced, "the rationale behind this system?"

He started on the longest utterance yet. "Well, the library has to give some teeth to its overdue dates in order that everyone has fair access to the books. On the other hand, the libraries are not in the business of making money for the university, and so..."

"Right. Well, thank you again [here I'm sure I must have been tripping over my own tongue, there being no room left in my mouth with my foot already in it]. Have, um, a good evening."