I'm eating takeout from Pump Energy Food. Its full name, I've discovered via moments-ago Googling, is The Pump - Energy Food (A Physical Fitness Restaurant). The title itself makes you think of sweaty gym socks, middle school volleyball class, and pull-up competitions. Okay, fine, just Venice Beach bodybuilders. Of the couple dozen takeout restaurants through which we can get dinner at work, wouldn't YOU avoid a place whose entrées bear names like "Big Arms", "Iron", "The Rock", and "Lightning Strikes"?

But, hey, I'm an equal opportunity eater. And since I have a few months of Takeout Roulette ahead, I thought I should at least familiarize myself with all the options. And thus I ordered an combination sandwich, in the section of the menu with fewer capital letters. To this I added a side of spinach because, hey, who doesn't like spinach?

Well, as it turns out, the spinach came in its own bag, with its own plastic knife and fork and napkins. And then it hit me that sometimes people order this as a meal. As in, "What did you have for lunch today?" "Oh, some spinach. The long fibers make it easy to barf back up in the toilet. I'm new to this bulimia thing, you know."

The other funny thing is that because there seems to be a universal EDICT AGAINST FLAVOR in Pump food, your order is comprised of exactly what's listed on the menu. My egg combination sandwich, for example: "Made with Five egg whites, your choice of baked tofu OR a lean steak burger, broccoli, and tomatoes and stuffed into a toasted whole wheat pita." No salt. No pepper. No delightfully seeping tomato juice, even, mixing in with the egg white as it cooked.

I'm all in favor of healthy eating. However, there's a difference between food as nutrition and food as dining, and hell if Pump is trying to serve anything experientially resembling a "meal". The saddest part is, it's so easy to add flavor and excitement to dishes without too much butter, oil, or empty carbs. And now that I'm on a roll, let me count the ways:

Spinach: sear with orange juice, ground pepper, tarragon, and pine nuts for that nouveau California style. Spinach: warm with cranberries, walnuts, baked yam for a cozy Thanksgiving treat. Spinach: dry-sauté with garlic, scallion, vegetable broth, and peanut butter for some smooth asian zing.

Seriously, people: five egg whites? That is a whole lot of hollandaise lovin' gone to waste from the leftover yolks.